30 days and counting....

So, I have 30 days left til the Weekend to End Women's Cancers Walk.... I'm ready physically; but, emotionally.... that's a whole other story.

When you lose someone you love so dearly, and at such a young age.... well, the questions are many and the answers so few.

Last night, my friend Kim and I went to tidy Becky's house while her husband and kids were away. It was the first time I've been to the house since Becky's passing. It was tough.

For the first half hour, I couldn't get my bearings. I walked around the house trying to make sense of things; but realized that I was there to help a friend, and that I just needed to suck it up and get down to business.

Being in the kitchen was the hardest part for me. That's where we spent most of our time comparing Mommy notes.

I realized how much I really miss her; and that I haven't really dealt with the reality. I still have moments where I tell myself, "Right.... she's really gone." She still feels so close.

When am I going to be able to make peace with her passing? When will it stop hurting so much? Why, why, why did she have to be the one?

Questions, I know, will never be answered.

I'm ready to walk for Becky. I'm glad that Greg and the kids will be there to meet me at the end.... I wish it were different and that Becky would be there too.

Life can be so unfair.