RANDOMNESS: life

We never really know where life will take us.  We can plan and plan all we want; but, there are things we just cannot control.

Think of yourself as a writer.... you get to tell the story.... don't let the unknown hinder you.... mold it, shape it, write it.  Give every bump in the road their own chapter in the book of you....

My advice:  Take every day as it comes.  Bask in every ray of goodness.  Jump the hurdles as they arise.  Learn from them and carry on.  In the moment it may be difficult to look ahead; but, don't let that stop you.... YOU are the author...

RANDOMNESS: working mom

Even though I'm a stay at home mom, and have been for quite some time now, I've always thought of myself as a working mom.  As much fun and as rewarding as it is to be able to be home with my kids, it has been work too, but a type of work that I am completely proud and happy to do.... I love being home, I wouldn't miss seeing my children grow for any amount of money.

But, the time has come to start thinking about working outside of the home again.... Scary?  A little.  Do I have a job to return to?  Not in my field of training - I'm obsolete - DARN COMPUTERS!  Do I have options?  Absolutely!

I have some things in the works that I think I'll find both challenging and rewarding and MOST-MOST importantly, will work within my children's school schedule and around my husband's shifts.  No need to acquaint my children with a sitter.... I don't like that option, and neither do they (actually, they don't even like the idea of me working, but that's another story)....

I'm excited for the prospect of working outside of the house again and to be contributing to our household income again.  I'll keep you posted when I figure everything out.

Have a great day everyone  ;)

RANDOMNESS: enjoying my time

I know I said I would be back to the regular schedule once January hit.... I've just been having too much fun with my babes.  They don't go back to school until next week, and it's been nice just spending time....

We visited the library.... we read a TON of books.... we played barbies, nerf guns, learned magic tricks, and packed Christmas away for another year.... we snacked, and snacked.... we laughed, and we chatted a lot!

Only a couple of days left and the boys will be back at school.... the Ham and I will be on our own again.... and Daddy will be with us on the days he's not working....

It's been a very lovely and relaxing start to the year....

See you soon.... promise

;)

RANDOMNESS: keeping up with 'stuff'

I know everyone has days, weeks, months, when they feel like they've just let everything s-l-i-d-e.... I've felt that way since summer.... I KNOW!  Lazy or what?!

Well, I'm trying to get back on track now.... I've made up a house cleaning schedule for myself.  Something I should have done a very long time ago.  But, cleaning is one of those things where I always feel behind, and the nagging guilt I have over it some days is excruciatingly painful and paralyzing.  Can you relate?

Anyhow, I'm 2 weeks into the schedule, and I have to say that I feel much less stress about keeping house.  And, truth is, the schedule isn't really far off from what I was doing before; it's just that I've printed it off and posted it so that it's a BLAZING reminder of my daily tasks.  And, I guess that's what I needed.... ACCOUNTABILITY.

It's funny, I demand accountability in my children's actions and the actions of others; and myself, for that matter.... just not in the context of a clean house.  Why, I wonder?.... Is it because I know the house will never, ever be totally clean (untidy).... I'm not delusional.  I have kids who create messes, I create messes.... and I'm generally the type who 'shoves' things.... thinking I'll get to them later.... but, oftentimes, later never comes.  Please tell me you understand.... give me an agreeing head nod....

I have to say, that this pressure and stress I feel over house work, is pressure I put on myself.  Why do we do that?  If you ever find a reasonable answer to that question, please enlighten me; because all of the answers I have come up with are completely insane when you really think about them.

The world will not end if I don't put the dishes away before bed.... my children will not be forced to wear dirty clothes.... my friends and neighbours will not stop speaking to me because I haven't vacuumed in two days.  I know this.

So, here's the thing.  I make this schedule, and I'm not talking 3 hours of house cleaning a day.... just 15 minutes to half an hour on top of the daily pick-up and tidy..... do at least one load of washing and drying and putting away a day to keep on top of the mountains of fabric that pile up in my laundry room.... and most importantly, MOST IMPORTANTLY, putting things away, right away - NOT saving it for the later that never comes.  HA!

It's working for me.  I'm less stressed, I'm able to rationalize house cleaning better because I know I've accomplished my daily task, I have more quality time with my family and I'm satisfied that my family is not living in filth.... ok, so my house isn't filthy to begin with, just untidy at times really; but nonetheless, I find it somewhat stressful....

Aaaanyway.... In conclusion, I'm happier knowing I'm holding myself accountable for keeping a tidy home....  Have a great day, I'm off to clean the loo!
;)

RANDOMNESS: love for a friend

The other day, I had the pleasure of spending some time with a friend, a father, a very kind man who has lost one of the most important people in his life.... his devoted daughter, and our loving friend, Becky.

It's not possible to put into words, the love and admiration I have for this man and his beautiful wife.  Two people who united and gave us an equally beautiful soul, gifted to us, Becky.... Getting to know Peter and Dorothy over the past few years has given me a glimpse into how Becky became the amazing woman she was.... still is in our hearts and memories.

Coming to terms with the loss of someone so special is no easy task.... one that will likely never find resolution.  So what's left for those of us who are here?  Memories of warm hugs, happy times, togetherness.... time.... time for remembering and reflecting....  It doesn't even remotely fill the space where she lived; but, we have to hold onto every. little. bit. of what we have....

I know that you can't mark the calendar and say, "Ok, I'll be done with the grieving onnnnn, hmmmm,  this date."  But, we still try, don't we?  The hurt is sometimes so gnawing that we want to see the end of it.... But; what can we do?

We can talk.

We can talk together.... talk about how we're feeling, talk about the what's next, talk about her and how she helped us light up....

Though being with Peter sometimes, always, ends in tears, I come away feeling very close to both him and Becky.  I have amazing reminders of the love I have for my friend, in Peter and Dorothy....  And I also have two more beautiful souls to cherish....

Today, I am grateful for the love and strength of Peter and Dorothy, two adoring parents who have endured immeasurable loss yet still smile their warmth upon us.... I am grateful for sitting in a coffee shop next to someone I consider a kindred friend and father figure.... and I am grateful for everything she gave, for she made me feel truly loved by a friend....

Today I'm remembering you, our friend.... always with us, Becky, like a warm, comforting hug  ;)

RANDOMNESS: one thousand gifts

I've joined a book club at a local church.  Now, I'm not a religious person.  I was never raised in church, I never went to church.  The only times I have been in a church were for weddings, christenings and funerals.

Strangely enough, I was married in a church.  The very same church where my mother and father-in-law were wed.  It was more for tradition's sake than anything else.

I can appreciate people's beliefs; I don't attest to know more or less than anyone else where spirituality is concerned.  I come from a people, first people as we're now referred to, who believe that everything in life has a spirit; from a place where Christianity was introduced.  I like believing that everything has a spirit and soul.... I think for me, it makes me appreciate life that much more.  To not take for granted what the earth has given us.  Again, I make no judgements on what people want to believe to live the life they were meant to live.

So you may be wondering, Why has she chosen to join a club within a church?  Well, I'll tell ya.... My friend, Rebecca, is the minister's wife at said church.  She invited me to join.  One morning a week; for a couple of hours; chatting; tea/coffee; and babysitting, which, honestly, is more like nursery school complete with lessons, craft time and snack.  Needless to say, my girl-monkey LOVES going to 'nursey sool'.

For me, it's a chance to get out of the house.  Talk with adults.  And let my child socialize and learn in a structured environment.  What's not to love?

The book:  one thousand gifts, written by Ann Voskamp.

A book written from a religious perspective.... but one that I can definitely read and apply to my own life.  What I've been able to take from this book, so far, is that I am genuinely happy with how my life has shaped itself, or rather, how I've molded myself into the person I am today.  I keep going back to the saying, 'When life gives you lemons....'  And I think that is a testament to my life.  With so many obstacles from inception to my early 20's.... well, some days I just shake my head and say to myself, 'How did I get here?'  Not here on earth; but, to this place where I can be okay and accepting and forgiving and most of all, happy.... It's a simple answer really -

I chose me.

I chose to change me.  I chose to accept that I cannot change the past and that I did not create the past.  I chose to move forward and live my best life....

I chose me.

So, the writer is trying to find grace in a life that keeps throwing grief after grief.... and has decided to write a list of one thousand things that she is thankful for.... and in doing so, she is reshaping herself, reshaping her soul and trying to live her life fully.

I like the idea of writing down things that make me smile, things I am ever grateful for.... I'm starting my list.  I'm going out, finding a beautiful journal, and everyday jotting down one thing that I am thankful for.  It's not unlike the 'I Love You' jars that I have for my children and husband.... only I'm choosing.... me.

Have a great day my pretties  ;)