I haven't really felt much like being around this space for the last few weeks, and I think we all know why. Grief is a tough thing to gauge. I thought of Becky a ton over the past 4 years, everyone who loves her did; knowing that she had this disease; grappling with the reasons why; trying to make sense of everything.... and now that she has gone; we think of her even more.
I guess what I'm trying to understand for myself, is that it's ok to be sad. How many times have I said that very same thing to comfort others in the past? Too many it seems; and here I am saying it to myself. And even more now, I am finding myself stopping before I get short with the kids or anyone or anything, really.... Because in the larger picture, the day-to-day things we get upset about really don't deserve our expended energy.
Life is a gift that many of us take for granted.... we assume that we are going to be around forever. Then something like losing one of your best friends happens and it shakes everything up. Life without that person will never be the same. You will miss them so much and wonder everyday when the hurting will stop.
The pain will subside - eventually. I don't think it will ever go away completely; but, that's ok.
And the issue for me lately has been to stay the upbeat, positive and fun mom that I've always been with my own kids. So, I've resolved to ask myself some simple questions when I find I'm getting stressed or upset:
1. Is this really a big deal? and,
2. Can something be learned from me getting upset?
If the answers to both are no; then I'll just try to move on. Now, I know that I am only human and some things are going to happen (especially where children are involved) that will send me to the boiling point; but that's when I need to step back and try to put things into perspective a little better. A little breathing space.... we all know the little trick of counting to ten first, right? It really does work.... I've tried it ;)
And I know that my pain is just a teeny little fraction of what others are feeling over Becky's passing; and again, that's something I weigh against my own feelings and try also to put into perspective.
Aaanyway, sorry if this sounds like a bunch of rambling mumbo-jumbo; but I feel some relief in getting it out.... thanks for listening.
I'll be back with some crafty fun in the near future.... have a great day all ;)